Have you ever stood in a bookstore with some other writer’s book clutched in your palm, seething with irritation that their book is sitting on the shelf while yours sits idle in some drawer or is buried deep in a slush pile, never to see the light of day? Worse, when you skim through the first few chapters, you see nothing different between the pages in the book you’re holding and the unappreciated gem in your drawer. When is it my turn? you ask.

You’re not a writer until you’ve been rejected. The only way to know if you have what it takes is to submit your work to an agent or editor and then wait to see what happens. When the inevitable rejections come, you have to bite back bitter tears at the all-too-familiar remarks. “I’m sorry to say, it isn’t for me.” But that’s my baby you’re talking about! “We will not be requesting any more material at this time.” But I have three hundred more pages ready! Or my favorite, “I didn’t fall in love with these pages.” Well, maybe it wasn’t love at first sight but give it time!

The truth is, when you send out your manuscript there is about a 99% chance you will fail. Yikes! What kind of person takes those odds? You’d have better luck playing the lottery. But here’s the thing—you can’t win the lottery unless you buy a ticket—and you can’t become a published author unless you’re willing to submit your work. Even the greatest writers of our time had to deal with repeated rejection. Stephen King nailed his rejection letters to a wall, commenting, “By the time I was fourteen the nail in my wall would no longer support the weight of the rejection slips impaled upon it. I replaced the nail with a spike and went on writing.” John Grisham’s first novel A Time To Kill was rejected dozens of times, and even when he did find representation, no publisher wanted to buy it. Louisa May Alcott was told to “stick to teaching.” JK Rowling was famously rejected multiple times, and even after selling the first book in the Harry Potter series, her editor suggested she get a teaching job, since she was unlikely to earn a living from her writing career.

These well-known success stories can turn aspiring authors green with envy—but they also light that indefatigable hope that if it happened to them it could happen to me! And so the author digs in, determinedly searching for someone new to query, never giving up hope that this time, the answer will change from no to yes. Yes to more pages. Yes to representation. Yes to getting that story published. Unfortunately, the process of querying is a slog that can completely kill the joy you once had at discovering you wanted to be a writer. Crafting individualized queries is time-consuming and responses can vary wildly from no response at all, to form letters, to cruel and sometimes snide remarks that can pierce an author’s confidence. I once sent pages to an established agent that dealt with a famous New York city location and was told in quite a supercilious tone that there was no bus stop on that particular street—like latching on to that obscure fact proved I had failed some test even though it had no relevance to the overall story! I’ve received so many rejections in my time as a writer that I’ve come to expect them—and for a long time I let it affect my enjoyment of writing. My acceptance as a writer into the traditional publishing world was determining my self-worth as a writer and enjoyment of the writing process. It took a long time for me to learn that agents, like book bloggers and reviewers, have opinions that are based on their own personal agendas and experiences and are not a reflection of your worth. As Ray Bradbury, who received a “blizzard” number of rejections, once said, “You have to know how to accept rejection, and reject acceptance.” I think what he meant by that was write for yourself, from that place inside you that cherishes your creative spirit. Write because you love writing and separate out the outside criticism from the internal joy you get from writing.

At the same time, querying your manuscript is the barometer in which we can gauge whether or not our writing is meeting a specific target. It’s not enough to just write something and expect the world to fall in love with it—authors have to work to find the right home for their story. Snaring the fickle and fleeting interest of an agent requires an impeccable query letter and more than a little luck. Your manuscript may be well-written but the market may be saturated for stories like it. It may have great potential, only you didn’t capture it well in the query letter. You can gauge the quality of your submission against the quality of your rejections. The more kernels of feedback you get, the more interest you likely generated. Ask yourself, is my query getting me a second look? If not, then consider what you need to do to spice it up. Is there useful feedback in the rejection you can incorporate into your writing? If multiple agents are giving you similar feedback, it’s important to consider what changes need to be made, or if you’re willing to stand your ground on the writing. Querying is like piloting a sailboat across the bay with a stiff headwind. You have to make constant adjustments to stay on course and eventually arrive at your destination: representation and eventual sale.

If you’re looking to improve the odds on turning a no to a yes, here are some tips to follow when querying:

  • Be sure to research an agent in your specific genre. There’s no point in sending a sci-fi story to an agent who only handles romance novels or thrillers.
  • Make sure their list is open to new authors.
  • Look for someone who is up and coming and looking to build their client list.
  • Be sure you have done the proper editing and polishing! For tips read last month’s column on Edit, Revise, Repeat!
  • Learn how to write a strong query letter and be sure to have your query letter critiqued. There is a proper format to be followed with specific details agents are looking to check off  before they proceed.
  • Attend writing conferences and take down names and email addresses. Most participating agents and editors will allow you to submit to them for up to ninety days after a conference they speak at.
  • Most importantly, start writing the next book while you’re shopping the first. You need to live and think as a writer. Writer’s write.

And to deal with those feelings of rejections, here are some additional tips:

  • Don’t compare yourself to other writers. Keep your eyes on your own work, not the success of others.
  • Focus on your accomplishments. Meeting writing goals. Completing pages. Sending in submissions. Give yourself small rewards, virtual pats on the back whenever you cross a threshold.
  • For every rejection, send out three more submissions, then figure out how to strengthen your craft.
  • Don’t try to be the next big anything. Try to be you. If you are any good, you will become the next big thing because you were authentic.
  • When you finish a manuscript, don’t stand back in awe of it. Sure you did it, very cool, now the hard work begins. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re better than you are. Stay humble. Hire a damn good editor. Take the criticism to heart. Work hard at revising your perfectly awful first pass. Take more criticism. Evolve. Get stronger and better.
  • Accept rejection and use it to motivate yourself to become a better writer. The reason other people succeeded is because they didn’t give up, didn’t skimp on craft, and didn’t stop sending out queries until they achieved their goals.